The tail of Kagae
by Samura Sheikah
Summary: Raimundo uses a new Wu (the scarf of dreams) to invade Kimiko's dreams. When he discovers the worst he tries to better himself for Kim, with a pink dress, a bank and Jack Spicer... Rated T for beatings with Wu. 8 chapters, Now Complete! thats all you get!
1. The Beginning

The camera pans across a golden beach. The sand laps softly at the shores and the only sound is the gentle growl of the tide. Kimiko enters, her hair wet from swimming in the calm blue waters. She shakes her head, sending millions of tiny water droplets cascading down, slowly opens her eyes and smiles. Raimundo appears from the dense palm forest on the other side of the beach, dressed in his typical white hooded top from the first series.

"Rai! You made it!" Kimiko called, a smile crossing her face as she leaps into his open arms.

"Hey! Calm down Kimiko! You'll wet my threads!" he laughs playfully "So Kim, how do you like Rio?"

"its more beautiful than I could ever have imagined!" Kimiko says smiling

"just like you…" Rai says. He puts his arms around her waist and pulls her closer "Kim…I…" Rai says

"Shh… you'll ruin the mood!" Kim growls.

"oh! Sorry!" Rai says. The waves beat slowly as they move closer, their hands hold tighter as they head for the kiss…

"AAAAA! NO, NO!" Kim screamed

Clay lit a candle in his room (if you can call a toilet cubicle a room) "You k' in there Kimiko?" He asked

Kimiko breathed heavily sweating like a pig.

"Yes, your scream was most loud, I would not be surprised if you woke up the whole temple!" Omi said lighting up another candle

"Yeah," Yawned Raimundo, "What's up?"

"oh… Nothing" she gasped breathlessly "Just had the most terrible dream, oh man… it was so awful…I'm going to go get a glass of something." Kimiko said, lighting a candle and heading into the kitchen.

"Awful?" Raimundo said, a tear welling in his eye.

"I'm guessin' invadin' her sleep with the "scarf of dreams" didn't work then?" Clay asked.

"Stupid faulty wu!" Raimundo spluttered, pulling the sleeping bag up over himself.

"Or is it just that she don't like you?" Clay said. Rai Growled.

"Yes! That seems most true! Kimiko could never love a novice like you when she has a most handsome dragon like me to look up to. Don't take this the wrong Raimundo, you are a nice person (not including the betrayal and the ten thousand years of darkness) But Kimiko would rather have me!" Omi boasted

One of those annoying little manga anger marks appeared above Rai's eye and his teeth went all sharp and pointy. He casually pulled the covers off himself, walked over to Omi's cubical, and continued to pummel Omi senseless with the monkey staff, while making odd grunts. Kimiko walked into the room with a glass of water and stopped in the doorway, one eyebrow slightly raised.

"What are you doing?" Kim said one eyebrow raising slightly.

"We are fighting for the position of alpha male!" Omi said as Rai knocked a couple more teeth out.

"Ok whatever just don't wake me up, I need my beauty sleep. Night Omi, Clay." Kimiko said walking over to her bed (matt on the floor sleeping bag thing) and falling sound asleep.

"There's proof she don't like you, she only said our names." Clay whispered

"That's not proof!" Raimundo said still beating Omi but slightly more quietly.

"I rekin' its enough." Clay said "I'm hittin' the hay. Night Guys." Clay said falling asleep.

Raimundo continued to hit Omi for a few more minutes but eventually decided it was no fun when Clay wasn't watching, so put on the scarf and played in Kim's dreams more.

That morning Clay and Raimundo say at the breakfast table. "Aww man! Rice again?" Rai whined

Omi limped to the breakfast table with both his arms in slings and a drip attached to his left eye. "mmrrrrortinng frferniddss…" Omi muffled sitting down.

"Omi Got beat up pretty bad last night, I think maybe Jack broke in and did it!" Dojo said.

"yeah…. Jack…" Raimundo said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Kimiko Walked into the room, bags under hers eyes big enough to hold a birds nest.

"What happened to you, Rough night? Dojo asked.

" Don't ask Dojo, it was so terrible, I kept having the same dreams over and over… if I see another cute fluffy kitten I'll!…" Kim Growled angrily, clenching her fist.

"Well, that's 'Plan B' Ruined" Rai whispered hiding a kitten under his shirt.

"Rai… Why is your shirt pulsating?" Kim asked perplexed.

"Erm…. Bad gas?" Rai said

"Right…." Kim said sitting down to breakfast.

"Guys! I'm sensing a shen gong wu!" Dojo gasped holding up the scroll.

"Wwhhwhat couougougld itititt brreeeeee?" Omi Muffled.

"The tail of ka-gae!" Dojo chirped "It gives you the powers of a demon, but it's the same as the monkey staff…"

"So if you use it for too long…" Kimiko said

"You got it! Best go before Jack gets it!" Dojo said super sizing himself.

A long and annoying scene engages of the four warriors on Dojo's back flying over fields of trees and flowers.

"So Dojo, what exactly are 'the powers of a demon'"? Raimundo asked breaking the dramatic and time wasting silence scene so the cartoon made it to 30 minutes after cuts.

"The usual, incredible strength, mind reading, fire breath.." Dojo said

Rai's face dropped to a confused gaze. "Did you just say, mind reading?"

"Oh yes! Demons are most accomplished in the field of mind reading!" Omi trilled happily, seeming completely fine despite his horrific beating in the second scene, it is just the way of a low-budget cartoon.

"Mind reading eh? Well if I can Win that Wu I can find out why Kimiko hates me, and then I can MAKE her love me! MWU HA HA HA HA!" Rai cackled.

"Umm… Rai, When you make an evil plot next time, try not to blurt it out for all to hear, it ruins the story for everyone." Clay said

Rai cringed "Stupid low-budget cartoon, can't even see when I'm soliloquizing!" he muttered

"We're almost there, just one more hill…" Dojo said

COMMERCIAL BREAK FOR TWO MINUTES Go get a cup of tea or something, the unnecessarily scream "ITS STARTING!" when it comes back on just to let everyone know how stupid you are.


	2. The Tail of Kagae

Hi again! I have had lots and lots of feed back, thank you all so much! As per requests, the commercial break is now over and there will be less Omi beatings. Enjoy!

You Bolt towards the television set faster than lightning so you don't miss the beginning of the second half only to find the last minute of events are repeated exactly in a slightly different animation. You watch begrudgingly feeling cheapened out by the inconsiderate decision of the producers

The long and annoying of the four warriors on Dojo's back, flying over fields of trees and flowers reengages but in slightly different animation.

"So Dojo, what exactly are 'the powers of a demon'"? Raimundo asked.

"The usual, incredible strength, mind reading, fire breath.." Dojo said

Rai's face dropped to a confused gaze. "Did you just say, mind reading?"

"Oh yes! Demons are most accomplished in the field of mind reading!" Omi trilled happily, seeming completely fine despite his horrific beating in the second scene, it is just the way of a low-budget cartoon.

"Mind reading eh? Well if I can win that Wu I can find out why Kimiko hates me, and then I can MAKE her love me! MWU HA HA HA HA!" Rai cackled.

"Umm… Rai, when you make an evil plot next time, try not to blurt it out for all to hear, it ruins the story for everyone." Clay said

Rai cringed "Stupid low-budget cartoon, can't even see when I'm soliloquising!" he muttered

"We're almost there, just one more hill…" Dojo said

The cartoon finally gets to the point

"Hey Rai, What's with the rad scarf?" Kimiko asked

Raimundo looked down to see he was still wearing it from last night. "Ermmm…" He muttered, "I'm trying to get in contact with my good buddy Clay's cultural heritage, Isn't that right Partner?" Rai said, putting one arm around Clay's shoulder.

"Ohhh…k…" Kimiko said turning back round.

The grin on Raimundo's face dropped back to his usual sulky pout.

"Raimundo, we have a saying back on the ranch…. Get your hand off me or I'll knock your head off!" Clay growled.

"What? That doesn't sound very western to me!" Raimundo said, only to receive a swift punch in the jaw.

Dojo's flight pattern drops over a small forest in Spain. His great scaly body curls and contorts as he shrinks down to his normal size. Raimundo hit the ground before Dojo did, causing up a small covering of leaves to fly up in the air, and settle again on Rai's face.

"Well, I've learnt not to touch an angry cowboy again…" Raimundo muttered, spitting out a mouthful of leaves and grass.

"Ok guys, go bag that Wu!" Dojo shouted, finding a nice soft patch of grass to curl up and fall asleep in.

"Stupid lazy dragon!" Rai muttered under his breath, surveying the tops of the trees. "Where exactly are we meant to be looking?" He asked expecting an answer from Dojo, but his words were greeted by sharp snores and the occasional "No, no more chocolate Kimiko… I'm full. "

"We'll NEVER find it at this rate, this forest must go on forever." Rai said grabbing on to a vine from a nearby tree. The vine fell and a big green snake reared its head. Rai yelped and threw the beast away, only for it to land squarely in Kimiko's backpack. He fell silent for a second and slowly sidled away.

"I see it!" shouted Omi pointing up into a tree.

"Great! Saves me looking!" A voice calls from above the trees. Easily recognisable evil theme music plays as Jack Spicer flies down through the canopy. He grasped the tail of Ka-gae, performs his trademark evil laugh (that lasts at least forty seconds) and flies away, trailing a few feet of toilet paper from the back of his trousers.

Raimundo's jaw dropped. "Why didn't you stop him?" he growled

"Because the power of a demon is not a Shen Gong Wu that belongs on the side of good, it is a tool for evil and if we had it we would only seal it away." Omi said

The anger mark that had previously appeared on Raimundo's face grew and his teeth grew sharp and pointy. He picked up the monkey staff in both hands, raised it over his head and… He suddenly stopped, Looked at the camera and said "Oh Geez… Sorry, I forgot you guys don't like this huh? For you guys who do, I'll bring up a thought bubble to show you what I would do." Raimundo said, concentrating hard so the white bubble appeared. It suddenly dissipated as clay said,

"Raimundo, Who are you talkin' to? And why in tar-nation you got that look on your face? You look like a Texas bull who just got branded!"

"I'll have you know I'm trying to achieve inner focus AND YOU JUST RUINED IT COW POKE!" Raimundo shouted, his head growing a considerable size so it filled up over half of the screen.

"Friends, we must not fight. Do not feel bad about Raimundo's incompetent loss of the Tail of Ka-gae…" Omi said.

"Me? Why is it MY fault?" Raimundo barked.

"Because you were the last to become a Xiao Lin apprentice." Omi Said smiling inanely.

Raimundo looked at the monkey staff, then at the camera again "Why won't you let me hit him? I won't do it hard! I promise!"

"Rai who are you talking too? You're getting so weird…" Kimiko said heading back to Dojo.

"Weird…" Rai muttered quietly as he headed solemnly for Dojo with the others.

To save time, the scene of Dojo's return flight to the temple was cut out. Now it shows a down-in-the-dumps Raimundo sitting on the steps of the temple.

Dojo slithered up as Raimundo sighed a great sigh and rested his head in his hands. "I don't get it Dojo. The one Wu I wanted more than any other, and I didn't even stand a chance. Now I'll never know what Kimiko thinks about me…" Raimundo sighed.

"Why don't you just use the 'Mind reader conch' to read Kimiko's mind Rai?" Dojo asked.

Raimundo sat up bolt upright and turned around. "The mind reader conch? OH Yeah! I'd forgotten all about that! Thanks Dojo! I Love you!" Raimundo said a huge smile spreading across his face. He picked up Dojo and kissed him squarely on the lips before funning off to the Shen Gong Wu vault.

"Eww…"Dojo said wiping his lips, "Effeminate weirdo!" He muttered.

The scene cuts to Raimundo in the vault, picking up the conch.

Raimundo picked up the conch and held it above his head. "Now I can read Kimiko's mind and discover why she hates me! MWU HA HA HA HA!" Raimundo laughed.

"Rai, what did I tell you about not shouting your evil plots?" Clay called from above.

"I meant to do that…" Rai growled.

END OF THE EPISODE! You watch the credits roll and feel sick that you have to wait a whole twenty four hours to see the next part, but that's the way it goes I'm afraid. Until next time!


	3. Commercial break

COMMERCIAL BREAK!

These are the commercials shown between the episodes of Xiao Lin showdown. If you don't want to read these just skip ahead, these adverts do not influence the story.

DOLMIO

"Yay! Its Dolmio day!" Raimundo called running to the table. The four warriors sat down and put on napkins.

"With Dolmio sauce on their bolognaise, they won't want to waste a drop!" Master Fung said looking into the camera.

"Hey? Where is my bolognaise?" Raimundo pouts.

"You can't have any because you were the last to become an apprentice!" Omi said

Everybody laughed.

"I'll show you apprentice!" Raimundo growled standing on his chair and taking the monkey staff in both hands.

"Dolmio, great food when you have dragons to feed!" Master Fung said holding the bottle up to the camera and grinning inanely.

MENTOS

Clay stood in a field all alone looking up at the sky dramatically.

"I may be a Xiao Lin apprentice but my breath sure stinks like the back end of a mule! No one wants to hang around with a smelly cowboy. But that's why I chew Mentos!" Said clay pulling out a tube of Mentos and flicking one into his mouth in the trademark way. Suddenly attractive girls, and the rest of the Xiao Lin dragons surrounded him.

"Hey Clay my old buddy, can I have a Mentos?" Raimundo asked

"No, because you were the last to become an apprentice!" Clay said

"Clay, I like you so don't make me hit you!" Rai Growled.

"Mentos, The Fresh maker!" Kimiko grinned holding a tube as Rai pummelled Clay with the Monkey staff in the background.

MACDONOLD'S

Kimiko's face appears on screen and she grind and said "Hi, I'm Kimiko, its what I eat and what I do! MacDonald's has a new range of salad dishes, fruit portions, healthy snacks, beef burgers with 100 beef and Chicken nuggets with real chicken breast (this time we promise!)!" She grinned

Raimundo entered from the left of the screen.

"Hey Kim, can I have one of your mc Chicken Nuggets?"

"How about… KEEP DREAMING!" She screamed, her head filling up half the screen as Rai is blown away by her loud voice. He flies off screen and mutters "please…don't make me hit a girl…"

Omi appeared on screen and trilled "Ba ba ba ba ba, I am enjoying this very much!"

"Omi… its 'I'm Lovin' it' Not I'm enjoying this very much." Rai said slapping his face.

Omi's expression of happiness dropped. "That makes no sense!" He said. Everyone laughed.

'YES' CAR CREDIT

A random woman entered and happily said, "Hello, we are 'yes' car credit. We will give car loans to anyone, even if you have no equity. You can drive away a new car in just a few days! We would even give credit to Xiao Lin dragons. All except Raimundo, he was the last to become an apprentice so…"

"Nuts to this!" Raimundo said changing the channel, "I'm going to watch Teen Titans!"

YAY YAY YAY! THE COMMERCIAL BREAK IS OVER! Now you just have to wait another twenty three hours and fifty eight minutes for the show to resume. Lucky you!


	4. Dinner Time

Twenty-four hours later you return to your TV. You suddenly realise that waiting twenty-four hours from the end of the show means that you are right back at the end! Angry and frustrated you decide to write an angry letter to whoever invented time until you can catch the re-run at Half past eight.

The episode re-runs at half past eight and you realise that they put the old beginning sequence on it. You mutter how angry you are then pick up your bag of popcorn and enjoy the show as the last part of the beginning sequence flashes on screen.

"Previously on Xiao Lin Showdown…" the TV set calls as it cuts to a scene of the dragons and master Fung.

"Dragon apprentices, you must make haste and take the silver manta ray to Foster's home for imaginary friends to hatch Dojo's egg!" Master Fung says.

Another scene engages with Omi Behind the wheel of a snow cat (A large arctic transport vehicle made for transporting tools and materials across a frozen terrain). Clay sits in the front seat next to Omi. Omi grabs Clays hand and trills, "Don't Worry Clay, I promise we will escape from here… together!"

Another scene starts with Jack Spicer and Cat Nappe surrounded my monsters, the monsters slowly leave and Jack whines, "Don't you get it Cat Nappe, the monsters are leaving because of the power of our love!"

Again, a scene starts with Kimiko trying to disarm a bomb with a cell phone on one ear. "What do you mean 'cut the red wire'? They are ALL red!" she shouts

The final scene engages with Raimundo holding up the mind reader conch and saying "Now I can read Kimiko's mind!"

Now I'll stop being silly and get to the point.

The Episode begins with the usual light music and view of the temple.

The Xiao Lin warriors all sat up at the table for food.

"Where in tar-nation is Raimundo, he hasn't touched his 'FRUIT LOOPS' (Blatant advertisement)?" Clay asked looking at Rai's empty seat as Raimundo's untouched cereal became saturated and sank slowly to the bottom of the milk, never to be seen again.

Raimundo ran up to the table panting. "Where have you been? Your Milk has reclaimed your cereal!" Kimiko said.

"Sorry, I had to… erm… Catch the end of Teen Titans! Yeah. That was it…" Rai Muttered. "Why are we having cereal again? Its midday!" He asked

"Because the writer of this here episode has no conception of time!" Clay said eating a chicken drumstick. Raimundo raised a finger as if to say something, but it slowly dropped back down again and his face adorned its frustrated pout.

Suddenly, Raimundo grabbed his stomach and started yelping. "What is wrong Raimundo?" Omi asked.

"I don't know… I feel so weird… I … AAA!" He yelled as his shirt began jumping as though something was inside.

"Dag nabbit! Kimiko Help him!" Clay shouted.

"What! Why me?" Kimiko Blurted.

"Because you are a girl!" Omi Trilled.

Kimiko Snarled at Omi as Rai Continued to scream.

"Erm… Don't worry Rai, I'll save you!" Dojo said slithering up to him.

As Dojo approached a set of claws dug through Raimundo's shirt as a small kitten tore through and jumped into Rai's cereal. "Mau!" It mewed happily licking the milk off its paws.

"Oh, I'd forgotten all about that!" Rai panted, trying to cover the hole in his shirt with the cereal box.

"Well… I've been well and truly put off my food." Clay said pushing his portion of chicken to the centre of the table.

"What is going on in here?" Master Fung called, holding Dojo in his arms, who rocked back and fourth muttering… "The horror!"

"Ermmm…" Raimundo said looking around at his disgusted friends, his torn shirt, the cereal all over the floor and the kitten. "Happy Birthday!" He exclaimed grinning.

One of Master Fung's eyebrows rose slightly and he said "Raimundo…" in a stern voice.

"Yes master Fung…" Raimundo said looking down at his feet as he kicked aside stray cereal pieces.

"I am so happy you remembered my birthday Raimundo! And A Kitten is what I always wanted from when I was a little boy. My mother always said, 'you can't have a cat, they are smelly' but it didn't stop me wanting one! Thank you Raimundo! You are the greatest Dragon of all! Now I'll put this kitten in a safe place!" Master Fung said taking the milk-drenched kitten into another room.

Omi, Clay and Kimiko looked at Raimundo with their mouths wide open.

"What? What's with the stares? Was it the kitten? The upper-body-nudity?" Raimundo asked.

Kimiko pushed away her bowl and said "I'm done…you are so disgusting Rai!"

"Disgusting? I thought I was just weird?" Rai Whined

"It appears that Kimiko likes you even less now! It makes sense with a handsome…" Omi Bleated

"Don't make me hit you again!" Rai interrupted picking up the monkey staff.

"Rai, y' can't solve all your problems by beatin' 'em with the monkey staff" Clay said.

Raimundo Calmed down for a second. He said calmly "As usual, you are right Clay…" He Said Putting the staff down. "The 'Sword of the Storm' has a sharper edge!" Raimundo grinned psychotically.

"Freak!" Kimiko blurted storming out of the room.

Raimundo's evil expression fell and he growled, "Look what you made me do! Now she thinks I'm a freak!"

"We made you do nothin'. She thinks you're a freak because of your actions, not ours." Clay said

"I'll show you actions!" Raimundo snarled jumping at Clay with the 'sword of the storm' in his hands.

Suddenly the scene cut to Raimundo standing in the shower, still with all his clothes on and still clutching the 'sword of the storm' in his hands. "Ok… I'm all wet… WHAT HAPPENED THERE?" Raimundo yelled.

Dojo slithered through the door with one hand over his eyes so he didn't have to look at Rai. "Didn't you hear Rai? The network made us cut out the scene of you and Kimiko hot tubing because they thought it was too risqué. Instead they replaced it with you taking a cold shower." Dojo said.

"Stupid network!" Rai sputtered stepping out of the shower and wringing his sodden robes out. "Where did we get a hot tub from anyway?" Rai asked, rubbing his hair dry with a piece of paper (Because they don't use towels in the temple).

"Ebay I think." Dojo said rubbing his chin.

"Wait… Hot tubing? Does that mean me and Kimiko are friends again?" Rai said taking a deep breath.

"No, she slapped you for hurting Omi and said if you ever touched him again she'd …" Dojo said.

There was a brief period of silence.

"…She'd…" Raimundo said.

"I can't remember exactly, something to do with kittens, the monkey staff and a comically misshapen vegetable." Dojo said

"Great! So what do I do now?" Rai asked

"Use the mind reader conch! Wasn't that the whole point of this episode in the first place?" Dojo said.

"Dojo, Your right Thanks Dojo…" Rai said

"Whatever just don't kiss me again!" Dojo spluttered

"Whatever you say!" Raimundo said running out of the room.

"Effeminate weirdo…" Dojo spat.

COMMERCIAL BREAK! Two minutes of pure joy (if you like watching bad actors hocking their shoddy wears). Until next time!


	5. The Mind Reader Conch

"IT'S STARTING!" You yell and run to the TV. This time it didn't repeat and you wonder if it's because the network got that dog poop you mailed to them with the complaint.

Rai spent at least one and a half minutes digging in his personal effects before finally finding the tool for his evil plan! No! Not the football, the MP3 player or the Brazilian flag! The mind reader conch!

He raised the Wu to his ear and yelled "MIND-READER…" At the top of his voice only to be interrupted by master Fung shouting:

"Raimundo Pedrosa, Are you using the Mind reader conch?" in his stern tone of voice.

"Erm… No." Raimundo said hiding the shell behind his back.

"Then what are you doing?" Master Fung asked

"Erm… Practicing my vocals in case I have to scream the name of a Shen Gong Wu really loud in a showdown!" Raimundo grinned. Master Fung shook his head and walked away down the hall.

"Phew!" Rai uttered wiping his brow. He lifted up the Wu and said in his normal voice tone "Mind-reader…" Only to be interrupted by Clay shouting from the next room:

"Raimundo, are you using the mind reader conch?" Clay asked.

"No, I'm not. I'm practicing my vocals!" Rai growled.

"Ok partner." Clay said.

Raimundo's face grew red with anger. He calmed down for a second to raise the conch to his ear. He whispered "Mind-reader…" And was interrupted by Omi cheerfully waltzing into the room. Omi stopped and turned around.

"Raimundo, is that the mind reader conch?" Omi asked

Raimundo starts to boil. "NO…. It is NOT the mind reader conch, I am practicing my VOCALS!" Raimundo growled.

"Oh, ok." Omi Trilled happily digging in his room (cubicle jig)

"Uh… Omi? What are you looking for?" Rai asked

Omi lifted the reversing mirror out of his things.

"Omi, why do you have the reversing mirror?" Raimundo asked.

"I am Training with Clay, we are seeing what each Wu does when the reversing mirror is used upon it!" He chirped happily leaving the room.

Rai wondered for a second why Omi had the reversing mirror in his room (Cubicle thing), but these thoughts were quickly expunged by thoughts of him and Kimiko on Rio beach together.

"Mind-reader…" Rai Whispered to be interrupted by Kimiko screeching:

"RAI-MUN-DO!"

He hid the conch behind his back as Kimiko came tearing through the door snarling like a savage wolf. Her eyes were replaced with small balls of fire and her footsteps echoed like those of Godzilla. Rai squashed himself into a corner as her angry shadow loomed over him. A sweat mark ran down the side of his face.

"EXPLAIN THIS!" She snarled thrusting her palm-lap-top in his face. An image of Rai moonwalking appeared on the screen.

"…I have never seen this very attractive man before in my life" He said looking up at Kimiko. She snorted pillars of steam. "Bu… But when I do I'll punch him for you?"

"WRONG…ANSWER!" She snarled

Rai swallowed hard.

The scene cut to Omi and Clay having drinks in the dining room. Omi pours a glass of orange, seeming completely oblivious to Raimundo's horrific screams of pain echoing down the hall.

"Kim found Rai again?" Clay said gulping a glass of goat's milk.

"I believe so, but do not worry good friend Clay, I'm sure she will gag him momentarily so we don't have to listen to him. She is most considerate." Omi said sipping his juice.

The screams subsided and Kimiko walked in, listening to Rai's MP3 player and singing "Domo kotsu uru mamoru yo, Teen Titans, Suki kidai nuku randemo taberu yo, Teen Titans" along with it.

"Did you make him fix it Kimiko?" Clay asked.

She paused the player for a second and poured a glass of something purple. "No, but he '_very kindly'_ offered to '_lend'_ me his MP3 player until he does" She said gulping the juice down and turning the player back on. "Shin kami dari Kari oyai, Okuga san su ika shakai, Omae mo wa nari mounai, Teen Titans, GO!" She sang as she left the room, leaving the dirty glass on the side as she left. She smiled because she knew it was Rai's Turn to wash up.

After a brief period of silence a weak cry echoed from the sleeping quarters. "Can someone give me a hand? I have a little problem… I need to…. '_Extract_' a palm laptop from…. Well, lets just say I don't think I can do it by myself" Rai whined. His cries were ignored

"Shall we train Clay?" Omi asked

"Darn right little partner" Clay answered as the walked away into the courtyard.

"Hello…" Rai whined

The scene the cut to the sleeping quarters a considerable amount of time later when Rai had managed to walk upright again.

"Now I can finally do what this episode was intended for, read Kim's mind. Mind-reader conch!" He said. He moved the shell around until he found Kim's thoughts.

"That! Raimundo I hate him so much! He thinks he is so big! I he would just get in touch with his feminine side once in a while and get some money, maybe he'd stand a chance!" Kim's thoughts echoed in Rai's ears.

"So that's what I have to do! Get rich and Girl up! That can't be too hard can it?" He said.

END OF EPISODE TWO Man this is going on forever! Now you wish you had sent an angry letter asking the network to bring it out on DVD so you didn't have to wait Twenty three and a half hours for the next showing.


	6. Commercial break 2

COMMERCIAL BREAK NUMBER TWO! (He he, number two! Get it? Just like Jack does in his under wear every time someone turns off the lights!) This is another little break form the story so relax, enjoy or spend this precious time writing more angry letters. (P.S. Don't be mad that I made up WU with the same properties of existing ones, every time I made a Wu it appeared on the episode the next day!

AOL

The stupid invisible AOL woman walked onto the screen and said in her computer generated voice

"Hello, and welcome to AOL, With AOL broadband there are no download limits…"

Kimiko vaulted in from the left of the screen and yelled.

"What do you mean no download limits!"

The woman cleared her throat and continued.

"With AOL broadband there are no monthly download limits so you can download as much as you want.

Kimiko's eyes grew red with flame. She screamed like a banshee:

"THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A DOWNLOAD LIMIT! YOU MADE IT UP TO SELL YOUR CONNECTION!"

The woman began to sweat and cleared her throat again.

"AOL broadband comes from 21.99 a month…"

Kimiko grabbed the AOL Lady by the scruff of her neck and screamed in her face

"IT ONLY COSTS 17.99 A MONTH WITH NTL! AND I LIVE IN A TEMPLE IN THE MIDDLE OF CHINA!"

Raimundo entered from the right of the screen, clutching the monkey staff and grinning.

"Do you want ME to take care of this Kimiko?" He smiled

"Sure thing Rai." Kimiko said stepping out of the way.

"Oh lord no…" The AOL woman said sweating

Suddenly the channel changed

"CLAY! Man I was watching that!" Raimundo pouted

"No time for that now, my rodeo is on!" Clay beamed.

Kimiko looked up at Rai and handed him the monkey staff.

"Nah, for Clay I don't think that'll do it." Rai said

Kim passed him the sword of the storm and he grinned like a boy holding his first gun.

NIGHTLIGHTS

The screen is black and all that can be heard is a shrill scream like that of a little girl.

"Stop whining Jack I need some sleep!" Rang the rasping voice of Wuya from the darkness.

"I can't I can't sleep in the dark!" Jack whined.

"Scared of the dark? Then you need Xiao Lin Showdown Nightlights!" A voice rang out. Suddenly a blinding light filled the room as panda bubba appeared holding a nightlight in the shape of Omi's head.

"Panda Bubba? How did you get out of prison?" Jack shivered

"This counts towards my community service! Anyway, the Xiao Lin Nightlights are perfect for whiny little weirdoes who will not go to bed. The come in the shape of all your favourite characters, Jack Wuya, Omi, Clay and Kimiko!" Panda Bubba said.

"What about the tall one?" Jack asked.

"Raimundo? Oh No one likes him!" Panda bubba trilled.

The camera zooms out to Raimundo watching the TV. He turns and talks to the camera.

"Yo, writer, can we have one commercial break that does not end up with me being made fun of?"

"No," I Type angrily trying to finish so I can catch the start of Teen Titans.

"Fine then I'll just watch Teen Titans, because I know you're stuck there writing so you can't!" Rai grinned poking his tongue out and changing the channel.

"Fine! I'll just write something horrible happening to you in the next chapter. I'll teach you pathetic whelp to never mess with Samura Sheikah! MWU HA HA HA HA!" I Laugh

"Are you related to Jack? Because I can see the relationship in the evil laugh." Rai Smirks

My face goes red. I delete the last paragraph of text and go and pout upstairs while playing 'Legend of Zelda' and eating raw broccoli.

OK that's all you get! Now You can have dirty thoughts about Omi until the next episode comes on.


	7. Back on the Heylin side

Your only Pen runs out half way through writing another angry letter so you have no choice but to write it in blood or actually WATCH the cartoon before complaining about it! You have read on the net that this is the last episode of the series so you spend your time writing a chain letter to send to all your friends, petitioning for more episodes or else!

After a lot of unpleasantness, you decide to watch the cartoon.

The scene opens as normal, with the light music and a scene of the temple. Today it is clouded with rain and mist. The scene cuts to the sleeping quarters.

Raimundo sat alone, pulling on his favourite 'Tic-Tac' coloured shirt. (How come they don't sell green and orange Tic-Tacs separately?). He picked up a conveniently placed photo of the four Xiao Lin dragons together, Kimiko looks like she is about to punch Rai as he smiles for the camera using Clay's humungous body as a human shield. Omi just stands smiling, oblivious to the chaotic scene behind him.

"If I want Kim to like me…" He said pulling on the white hooded top from the first series and pulling the hood up over his head, "I'll have rejoin the Heylin for a while."

"Rai, evil plot…" Clay shouted from the next room.

"Will you ever stop interrupting my dramatic monologues?" Rai growled.

Omi walked in happy and smiling with the reversing mirror. He placed it back down in his cubicle and turned to Raimundo.

"Ahh, Raimundo, what is with the wearing of the Heylin garment?" Omi Trilled

"I'm going away for a while…" Rai said picking up a backpack and placing the 'sword of the storm' and the 'Golden Tiger claws' inside.

"Don't worry Raimundo my friend, Kimiko still thinks you are cold." Omi trilled.

"Don't you mean cool?" Rai corrected.

"No, I know what I mean, I am getting good at this!" Omi grinned

"I'll show you cold! GOLDEN TIGER CLAWS!" Rai yelled slashing at Omi. Of course this did no harm to our friend Omi, it simply opened a portal, which Rai jumped through.

Omi shrugged and carried on walking around aimlessly.

Raimundo ended up in a ladies clothes store somewhere in New York. He wandered around for a little while looking at all the clothes. "Too frilly, to cutesy…" He muttered.

"Can I help you?" A shop assistant smiled at him.

"Yeah, you got anything pink in my size?" Rai asked with all seriousness.

The woman's happy expression dropped to a cautious gaze. "Pardon me sir?"

"Nothing frilly or patterned, just plain pink." Rai asked.

The woman suddenly thought, "Are you going to a fancy dress party?" She asked.

"Going to a party in drag? What kind of a sicko do you think I am?" Rai growled.

A sweat mark ran down the woman's face and she said "We have the London model in pink in your size," She said picking up a pink dress from one of the rails.

"Perfect! How much?" Rai asked picking up the dress. He sifted through his pockets and realised he didn't have any money. "Erm… Do you accept gold teeth?"

The scene cut to Kimiko looking around the temple. She walked into a room where Clay and Omi sat discussing the difference between Goat and Cow milk.

"Guys, have any of you seen Raimundo? I haven't seen him since I rammed my palm lap to up his…" Kimiko asked

"Too much info!" Clay muttered

"Seriously Guys, I think he's taken off, the washing up is so dirty it's crawling off on its own!" Kim Said with genuine concern.

The three warriors turn to look into the kitchen, where Dojo attacks Dirty dished with a broom handle.

"You can not stop me from living my life, FREEDOM!" The washing up screamed.

"See what I mean?" Kim said

"You're right Kim, I haven't seen Rai since he swore allegiance to Heylin and took off." Clay said calmly sipping milk

"He… WHAT?" Kim Barked almost knocking Clay and Omi off their seats.

"Yes, he seemed most eager to join Heylin so you would like him more!" Omi smiled.

"What! Heylin, Where would he get the idea that I'd like him more if he were evil?" Kim whined.

She looked down at Omi's innocent yet inapt smile. "Do you have something to do with this?" Kim snarled.

"Of course not Kimiko, we would never to anything to hurt you or Raimundo!" Omi Trilled

"Good! I'm going out to look for him, take the scroll and…" She said reaching into her backpack to pull out the scroll. She jumped as if she had been shot and quickly retracted her hand from the bag. A great green snake had its teeth embedded in her hand. A tear fell from one eye.

"Kim, are you ok?" Clay asked.

Kim was silent for a spilt second, and then screamed louder than jet taking off. She flailed her hand and the snake flew off into the next room.

"Ow!" A grunt came from the next room.

Master Fung walked in with the snake biting into his baldhead. "Who is responsible for this?" He grunted.

Omi and Clay quickly evacuated the room.

Master Fung looked at Kimiko with one eyebrow raised.

"Kimiko, how do you explain this?" Master Fung growled.

"Ermmm…" Kimiko said looking around for someone to back her up, but her eyes only met the snake. "Happy Birthday!" She exclaimed grinning.

One of Master Fung's eyebrows rose slightly and he said "Kimiko…" in a stern voice.

"Yes master Fung…" Kimiko said looking down at her feet.

"I am so happy you remembered my birthday Kimiko! And A Snake is what I always wanted from when I was a little boy. My mother always said, 'you can't have a snake, they'll eat the neighbours!' but it didn't stop me wanting one! Thank you Kimiko! You are the greatest Dragon of all (Next to Raimundo)! Now I'll put this snake in a safe place!" Master Fung said Walking into another room with the snake still attached to his head.

"Phew!" Kimiko said wiping her brow. "Now, what was I meant to be doing? Oh yeah! New episodes of Teen Titans!" She grinned opening her laptop to get digital TV reception.

The scene cut to A Tiger Portal opening in front of Jack Spicer's evil lair. Raimundo Jumped out wearing the dress. "Man, I wish I'd tried this thing on before I gave away Omi's teeth to pay for it. Its so tight around the hips…" Rai muttered to himself, tugging awkwardly at the corners of the dress. He knocked on the Door of Jack's evil Lair. After a few tries with no reply he rammed the sword of the storm through the door.

"Hey! Hold on! I was on the toilet!" Jack Spicer Muttered From behind the door. He opened it to see Raimundo in a dress and his jaw dropped below his knees.

"Hey, Spicer, I need a favour." Rai asked.

Jack's eyes began to water and he made odd noises trying to hold in his laughter.

One of Raimundo's eyebrows rose slightly.

Jack Spicer Burst in to fits of Hysterical laughter and fell on the floor.

"Wha.. HA HA HA…what's with the dress Raimundo? Snort Ha ha! Are you going to a drag Party or what?" Jack Spluttered between fits of laughter.

"I don't need this from you! If you don't want to be rich then forget it!" Rai Growled turning around, his dress flowing in the breezes.

Jack suddenly stopped laughing. "Rich, Wait, Wait Raimundo. What did you say?" Jack asked.

"I thought that might persuade you!" Raimundo grinned.

Commercial break. You Bite your nails in futile anticipation to know what happens next. Your mother then tells you Nail biting is a bad habit and you decide to write an angry letter to whoever invented parents while the commercials fly by.


	8. The Truth

Here Goes! The big finale! This is what you've been waiting for; this is where the story finally gets to the point! Please enjoy!

Raimundo stood outside Jack's house, grinning as Jack was down on his knees begging Raimundo for the plan.

"Well, I'm going to turn over a bank. All I need is your help and the 'Tail of Ka-Gae' and I'll split the money 50/50!" Rai grinned.

"Great plan Raimundo, but what's to stop me double crossing you and taking all the money for myself?" Jack Grinned.

"Because you're stupid and you need my help or you'll never perfect those X-Ray Goggles you're working on!" Rai Grinned.

"Don't knock the goggles! They work fine!" Jack said putting them on. "Hey Raimundo, do you know you have a Palm Laptop Stuck in your…"

"Do you want to know the plan or what?" Rai Growled.

"Yes sir…" Jack whined.

Back at the temple, Kimiko sat buried in a soft cushion watching Teen Titans on her Lap Top. She Giggled as Beast Boy told another awful Joke. Master Fung's kitten jumped on her lap and rubbed its head against her hand.

"Hello there!" Kim Smiled Stroking the Kitten. "Aww… Those pretty green eyes, they remind me of…" Suddenly she stopped and slapped herself in the face. "Darn it! Raimundo! I have to find him!" She shouted bolting upright so quickly that both the kitten and the computer flew across the room. She grabbed her coat and bolted out of the door.

"Where is she goin'? Oh well, more grub for us!" Clay grinned stuffing a rib into his mouth.

Back at Jack's base Raimundo talked to Jack, while examining the Tail of Ka-Gae

"So, You've got the plan then?" Raimundo continued

"Right! Lets go!" Jack Smiled.

"TAIL OF KA-GAE!" Raimundo screamed.

Jack covered his ears.

"Why do you Monk's always have to scream your Wu's names?" Jack whined.

"To Confuse little wimps like you!" Raimundo said in a drastically changed voice. It was much deeper and snarling with a hint of Rai's old voice in the background. He had sprouted two curving horns, a black tail and a pair of threatening black wings.

"Ok, I knew the Tail of Ka-Gae was cool but WOW! THAT RULES!" Jack screamed.

"Quiet you pathetic mortal and follow me!" Rai said taking flight straight up, crashing through Jack's ceiling.

"Wait! How do I follow you? I can't fly!" Jack Whined.

"Jack! You've been flying every episode since first series! Just Fly!" Rai Growled.

"Oh, the heli-wings, Good idea!" Jack said extending the mechanical spinning blades from his backpack and taking flight.

Back at the Temple, Clay and Omi are still eating.

"Clay, do you think we should find Raimundo and tell him before he gets himself in trouble?" Omi asked

"Nah, we'll wait till after he's in trouble. It'll make it that much sweeter." Clay grinned.

"Oh Clay, you are most wicked!" Omi trilled happily stuffing his face with rice.

The scene cut to Demon-Raimundo and Jack Spicer slicing through the air like flying knives.

"Almost There" Rai snarled in his altered voice.

"Where are we going?" Jack asked.

"LA!" Raimundo exclaimed Darting through the mist and rain.

His flight pattern altered and he twisted and twirled down towards the bank building in LA.

Rai Smashed through the wall with his incredible demon strength and snarled like a wolf, only to be met by Twenty or so guns pointed at him.

"Great, I had to pick the day the NRA were having their meeting in the bank!" Raimundo growled.

"I want my mommy…" Jack whined, wetting his underwear.

Back at the temple, Kimiko burst in from the rain panting.

"Guys, I found Raimundo, let's go!" Kim shouted.

"Can't it wait till' the end of Teen Titans?" Clay Protested.

An Anger mark appeared on Kimiko's face. She picked up the Monkey staff and continued to beat Clay with it.

"Now are you ready?" Kimiko said stopping.

"Whatever you say…" Clay said trying to stand up.

The scene cut to a prison cell in LA, where normal un-demonified Raimundo sat counting the Bricks in the wall.

"One-eyed Pete was right! There are three thousand, one hundred and…" Raimundo Muttered.

Kimiko, Clay, Omi and Dojo walking in interrupted him.

Jack Spicer was in the cell on the opposite side of the corridor.

"Have you come to let me out?" Jack Whined.

"KEEP DREAMING!" Kimiko snarled.

"Kimiko! Am I Glad to see you! How did you find me?" Raimundo smiled leaping up and sprinting over to the bars.

"With the tracking devise I planted in your neck!" Kimiko smiled.

"Tracking devise? But…when…how…" Raimundo spat.

"Never Let a Japanese woman give you a massage!" Kimiko Grinned.

Raimundo's expression became confused and worried.

"Wooey! How did you manage this Rai?" Clay asked.

"I Tried to Rob a bank with Jack Spicer." Rai said looking down at his feet.

"Why on earth did you do that?" Kimiko asked.

"Well this scarf I'm wearing, it's a Wu called the scarf of dreams. I got it one day when you were doing your hair. Anyway, I used it to invade your dreams and make you see us on Rio beach together, but when you woke up, you said it was a terrible dream. So I used the Mind reader conch to find out what you thought about me, and when I heard I should girl up and get rich, that's what I tried to do." Rai muttered.

"I guess that explains the dress. I must admit Raimundo, I think Pink Suits you!" Dojo said.

"But, I never had a dream about Rio beach, and if all truth be told I wish you'd be more manly, I think you're a bit… you know…. 'Effeminate'." Kimiko said.

"But I heard… how…" Raimundo muttered.

Clay and Omi make odd noises as if trying to contain their laughter.

"Omi, Clay, Do you have something to do with this?" Raimundo growled.

"Yes Raimundo, all this time me and Clay have been tugging your arm!" Omi Laughed.

"Don't you mean pullin' his leg?" Clay sniggered.

"That too!" Omi Chuckled.

Raimundo started breathing heavily and the little anger mark grew to cover the majority of his face.

"We used the reversin' mirror to turn Kim's dreams into nightmares and make you hear the opposite of her thoughts!" Clay chortled.

"So instead of seeing us together on Rio beach…" Raimundo growled.

"I saw you kissing Wuya while Cat Nappe attacked me with genetically altered super kittens!" Kimiko said.

"Kissing Wuya?" Rai said almost throwing up.

"Anyway Rai, I paid your Bail, lets get back to the temple." Kimiko said sliding the door open.

"Did you pay my bail too?" Jack asked.

"KEEP DREAMING!" Kimiko Snarled.

All the way back to the temple Raimundo pummelled Clay and Omi with the Monkey staff.

Back home a few hours later Kimiko approached Rai in a bathing suit.

"Kimiko, why are you in an bathing suit?" Rai asked.

"Because, to apologise for what they did, I made the boys buy you a hot tub!" Kimiko grinned stepping out of the way to show a top of the range four-person hot tub with whirlpool feature.

"The network said we can get in together as long as we don't go in nekkid" Kimiko smiled.

A Huge smile spread across Rai's face. He tore off all his clothes to show swimming trunks underneath and jumped into the hot tub.

Kimiko got in the other side.

She looked up at Rai.

"Raimundo," She said looking up into his eyes.

"Yeah Kimiko?" He said.

She slowly leaned over…

And slapped him so hard his head almost flew off.

"IF YOU EVER HIT OMI AGAIN, I'LL…" Kimiko snarled.

Dojo watched from inside. The only words he could make out were kittens, monkey staff and comically misshapen vegetable.

L'end

**Thanks to:**

Xiao Lin Showdown for not suing,

My brother who laughs at my jokes

And whoever reads this Fan Fiction.

Thank you all.

**Things you might want to know:**

The word Japanese word "KAGE" (Pronounced KA-GAE) Means 'shadow' and is often used in cartoons and video games to depict dark demons and devils.

Effeminate means to have qualities more associated to Women than men. In layman's terms, it means a bit girly.

NRA is the National rifle association. They often have meetings in the US about the practical uses of guns.

Scarves were traditionally used in the Wild West to stop desert dust getting in your mouth and nose.

They only sell Orange and green Tic-Tacs in one box. They have never sold them separately.

After 1500 years, the Two-ton Tunic should have biodegraded.

They don't get Mentos in England.

A woman plays Omi's voice.

Cabbage cooked twice is death.


End file.
